I hate this, but I feel severely jealous of almost everyone.

It's like this constant pressure to be better than others, even though I know I'm not.

Can you imagine living like this?

I think it partly comes from my childhood.

I grew up around someone who was always talking down to everyone, treating them like idiots with real hatred and contempt- as if those people didn't even deserve respect or the right to live.

It has been eating me alive my whole life.

I'm trying so hard to fight it, but it feels like it's carved into my bones.