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The first thing i need to say is...i'm drunk
the second thing i need to say is...i'tm lonely and alienated as hell.
i'm not corean and don't know how it is to live in corea as a corean person...any corean person of any class or race or gender or sexuality.
first of all, sexuality is so different for every people in the world.
i don't know how to explain it, but i don't know what kind of sexuality i am and i never want to know. i like to leave my sexuality undecided, agnostic, maybe pansexual, if you will.
but wholly shit. does anybody feel so lonely that they are crazy?
maybe i need to move to itaewon and integrate with more of foreign people here.
i'm writing in english because it feels more comfortable to let my thoughts flow like a waterfall.
i need to day that i don't really feel like a foreigner in corea. i feel more like an alien. not from this world or anywhere close to it.
do many other corean anarchist postmodernist-types feel the same way? i don't know.
either way....
i got serious problems, but i don't know what they are. i don't feel like i'm connecting with anybody here.. i don't know if it has anything to do with sexuality, but one thing i do know is that i'm lonely. shit. lonely and alienated as hell.
and everytime i have interest in somebody, they always have more interest in corean friends of mine...maybe my corean friends are more masculine or just more corean....i don't know. sexuality is so fuckin stratified into hetero-bi-homo here in corea and it drives me fuckin crazy. no matter what sexuality i try to conform to....either way....i feel like there's no fuckin way to survive here with all the expectations and conformity. i'm not any sexuality. fuck the categorizations of everyhting from food to music to localities to 사투리 to politics to gender to sex to....
that's the way i feel now anyway.
as a non-asian foreign, i feel like a complete alien. not a foreigner. foreigners are recognized as humans. but these big, tall, wierd-looking "white" or "black" foreigners are like complete aliens from mars or jupiter. we have no personhood as we get stared at in the subway or sidewalk. it's not a bad thing or good thing. fuck the good/evil binary way of interpreting it. we just need to live on with it. and perhaps the only reason i can speak from this what-the-fuck perspective is because i received a relative amount of "white" privilege as a mixed person in my home country. that puts me in a privileged position as many people think of me as "white." but.....fuck race, because mixed people can't handle you're bullshit. i get different identity recognition from all the various perspectives of race. "what am i? fuck you, i'm nothing." "human, hopefully."
whjere are all the lonely anti-authoritarian activists and radicals? where are the crazy fuckers? where are the insane artists?
i can't believe i'm writing this blog, but fuck! this is how i feel and if you think i'm crazy....
...well...maybe you're fuckin correct.
either way, i gotta say:
i feel lost in a puddle of mud. that's not bad, but maybe it's not good. i don't know.
either way, i gotta say it feels like shit. like bullshit. i don't know.
one thing i gotta say is fuck the whole system. fuck it and we gotta change it...perhaps until there is no system at all.
is that why i'm lonely? awwww shit.
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I think you have to go to the "BIN JIB" many great people live together there. check the home page (house.jinbo.net) / and why don't you join the party for anarchy musicean? Dopehead is prefareing it. the party will be 31th.Anyway, cheer up. you need to make connect. there are many great friends in korea. and sometimes, we all feel loneliness. (Here in dalian, china.. I'm so lonely sometimes, of course. I have no chinese friends so far!!) but we still know, we have to make connection. and we can do it.
anyway my english is bad --;; sorry but I want you to meet my friends in korea
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태그 짱-_-나중에 같이 술먹고 취해요. 하하.
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디디 고마워요ㅋㅋ당신의 영어 너무 좋아요 저보다 딱 좋아요ㅋㅋ. 제가 파티에 꼭 가고 싶어요. 재미있겠어요. 돕 연락해야겠지. 디디 왜 중국에 계세요? 언제 한국 오세요?홍 그래요 전화전호는 010-2895-2017.
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돕
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오늘 seoulidarity screening 에 와서 같이 놀자!부가 정보
돕
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and yeah the all night eat drink talk sing and dance party is on att he people's house in Mangwondong on dec 31부가 정보
no chr.!
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->돕: oops.. i really would like to enjoy the "all night eat drink talk sing and dance party" ^^anyway.. give my warmest greetings to all our comrades!!
2jaeng!!^^
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http://blog.jinbo.net/house/?pid=55빈집의 연말 일정이니까 확인해서 놀러가볼 것을 강추 -ㅅ- 에또 ㅎㅎ 지금 중국에서 일해요. 홍은 같이 사는 짝꿍이구요. 한국 가면 같이 술마십시다! ㅋㅋ 아참, 저의 삐뚤삐뚤한 영어를 좋아해주다니 헤헤!
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