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The first thing i need to say is...i'm drunk
the second thing i need to say is...i'tm lonely and alienated as hell.
i'm not corean and don't know how it is to live in corea as a corean person...any corean person of any class or race or gender or sexuality.
first of all, sexuality is so different for every people in the world.
i don't know how to explain it, but i don't know what kind of sexuality i am and i never want to know. i like to leave my sexuality undecided, agnostic, maybe pansexual, if you will.
but wholly shit. does anybody feel so lonely that they are crazy?
maybe i need to move to itaewon and integrate with more of foreign people here.
i'm writing in english because it feels more comfortable to let my thoughts flow like a waterfall.
i need to day that i don't really feel like a foreigner in corea. i feel more like an alien. not from this world or anywhere close to it.
do many other corean anarchist postmodernist-types feel the same way? i don't know.
either way....
i got serious problems, but i don't know what they are. i don't feel like i'm connecting with anybody here.. i don't know if it has anything to do with sexuality, but one thing i do know is that i'm lonely. shit. lonely and alienated as hell.
and everytime i have interest in somebody, they always have more interest in corean friends of mine...maybe my corean friends are more masculine or just more corean....i don't know. sexuality is so fuckin stratified into hetero-bi-homo here in corea and it drives me fuckin crazy. no matter what sexuality i try to conform to....either way....i feel like there's no fuckin way to survive here with all the expectations and conformity. i'm not any sexuality. fuck the categorizations of everyhting from food to music to localities to 사투리 to politics to gender to sex to....
that's the way i feel now anyway.
as a non-asian foreign, i feel like a complete alien. not a foreigner. foreigners are recognized as humans. but these big, tall, wierd-looking "white" or "black" foreigners are like complete aliens from mars or jupiter. we have no personhood as we get stared at in the subway or sidewalk. it's not a bad thing or good thing. fuck the good/evil binary way of interpreting it. we just need to live on with it. and perhaps the only reason i can speak from this what-the-fuck perspective is because i received a relative amount of "white" privilege as a mixed person in my home country. that puts me in a privileged position as many people think of me as "white." but.....fuck race, because mixed people can't handle you're bullshit. i get different identity recognition from all the various perspectives of race. "what am i? fuck you, i'm nothing." "human, hopefully."
whjere are all the lonely anti-authoritarian activists and radicals? where are the crazy fuckers? where are the insane artists?
i can't believe i'm writing this blog, but fuck! this is how i feel and if you think i'm crazy....
...well...maybe you're fuckin correct.
either way, i gotta say:
i feel lost in a puddle of mud. that's not bad, but maybe it's not good. i don't know.
either way, i gotta say it feels like shit. like bullshit. i don't know.
one thing i gotta say is fuck the whole system. fuck it and we gotta change it...perhaps until there is no system at all.
is that why i'm lonely? awwww shit.
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laron
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i'm poor at in English. :)i can't agree with your some opinion. because (in korea) the word 'pregressive' means more complex than any other countries. if a man or people shout revolution, there is a foundation which called common sense. but (in korea) there's no common sense (you know it).
i think that the word 'progressive' in korea means to make common sense with others. it is very different from any other countries. basically, the different and the difficult of korea came from japan, USA and left-right struggle about 100 years. also, we want shout Revolution, fuck the world, fight Capitalism. but only we shout revolution, who follows, who joins with us? it's very very fucking difficult theme.
i agree with your opinion that 'progressive' is a social reform. but (what i know) in korea there is no a social reform history. i want talk many other things about korea particularities. it cannot makes right of my opinion, but it can makes our comprehension.
is the 'progressive' linear? i don't think so. we knew fractal geometry (it's kidding), we saw desire of human, we hope more less and life and we fought centralized authoritarian rule. we also agree that more productivities can't makes more humanities.
but, whe word has own gravity. so the word 'progressive' has own gravity in korea. i hope the word goes own home.
저는 영어에 능숙하지 않아요. ^^
저는 당신의 몇몇 의견에 동의할 수 없습니다. 왜냐하면 한국에서 '진보'라는 말의 의미는 다른 나라와는 다르게 쓰이기 때문입니다. 인민들이 혹은 누군가가 혁명을 외치기 위해서는 거기에는 공유하는 상식이 있어야 한다고 생각합니다. 그러나 (한국에서는 당신도 아다시피) 상식이라는 것이 없습니다.
제가 생각하기에 한국에서의 '진보'란 다른 이들과 상식을 다른 사람들과 만들어 나가는 것입니다. 이것 역시 다른 국가들과는 매우 다르죠. 이러한 다름과 어려움은 기본적으로 100년에 걸친 일본, 미국, 그리고 좌우의 사상갈등에서 유래합니다. 물론 우리도 혁명을, 세상을 갈아엎길, 자본에 싸우길 원합니다. 그러나 오직 우리만 혁명을 외친다면, 누가 따를 것이고, 누가 함께 할까요? 이건 정말 정말 존나 어려운 주제입니다.
진보는 개량이라는 당신의 말에 동의합니다. 그러나 (내가 알기로는) 한국에는 개량의 역사조차 없습니다. 나는 한국의 특수성에 대해 좀 더 당신에게 말 하고 싶습니다. 비록 그것이 나의 말을 옳게 만들 수는 없겠지만, 우리의 공통의 이해를 만들 수는 있습니다.
진보가 직선적인가? 난 그렇게 생각하지 않습니다. 우리는 프랙탈 기하학을 알고(농답입니다), 우리는 인간의 욕망을 보았고, 우리는 더 적고 낮은 삶을 희망하며, 우리는 중앙집권에 반대해 투쟁합니다. 또한 우리는 더 많은 생산이 더 많은 인간다움을 만든다고 생각하지 않습니다.
하지만, 단어에는 단어만의 중력이 있죠. 따라서 '진보'라는 단어도 그 단어만의 중력을 한국에서 가지고 있습니다. 나는 단어가 고향으로 돌아가길 희망합니다.
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돌~
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이제 진보라는 말은 너무나 진부해졌고, 사용하는 사람에 따라 그 편차가 너무 큰 것 같습니다. 이제 진보라는 단어를 사용하지 않을려고 해도 마땅한 표현할 말이 없어 가끔 사용하기도 하는데... 될 수 있으면 사용하고 싶지 않습니다. 어저께 어느분은 그러더군요. 진보는 그 사람의 지식이나 생각 사상으로 진보를 판단하는것이 아니고, 그의 태도로 판단을 한다고요.부가 정보
무나
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저도 진보라는 말이 늘 어색하다고 느껴집니다. 진보정당, 진보적 운동단체 등등 무심결 쓰고 있지만 이제는 이렇게 두리뭉실하게 표현하기 보다는 새로운 표현의 지평을 넓혔으면 해요.부가 정보
ㅋ
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진보는 특정내용을 가지지 않았죠. ㅋ 단지 공백이고 각자 관심영역을 수사학적으로 치장하는 그저 하나의 말에 불과한 것일 뿐..부가 정보